Friends

Using an interactive display at ACMI's Screen World's exhibition Rosie and I created a five-second film featuring a fast-moving lemon, which we then converted into a fifty-page flipbook. In it, a lemon shoots in from the left, then moves back from the right, then hurtles spookily towards the camera.

It would appear that birds dislike lemons. Meg's budgerigars were interested in themselves, each other and everything in the cage that wasn't the huge lemon that I'd balanced between their perch and the wire. Did it scare them?

With blue card, lemon card, silver ink and a slice of lemon I constructed greetings cards for friends. The lemon took the ink very nicely, and printed prettily enough. "Season's Greetings" I scrawled in silver, then wrote personalised messages in black.

In a shot glass I mixed two-thirds rum to one-third lemon juice, and skulled it. Julien insisted that they did something like this in the Dominican Republic. In any case, the combination worked for me. Refill.

At the shopping centre a person dressed as Santa was handing out sweets from a basket. I approached with a lemon and placed it among the treats. "A healthy option," I explained. Santa said something like "ho ho ho" and offered me a chocolate by way of exchange.

At the market I found a ride designed for children. For two dollars the machine moved a chair in slow circles, spinning in time with a clown. I placed a lemon on the chair, inserted a coin, then stood there staring like a weird parent.

During a day of training at Scienceworks Museum I visited the Sportsworks exhibit, which featured a machine measuring the speed at which yellow balls were pitched. I substituted a lemon and managed 49km/h - fast enough to break the fruit against the wall.

So stressed was I by depending on other people to arrange finances for my home-loan that I lowered myself to the floor, squealing like some other species. Usefully, there was a large lemon within reach - I stuffed it into my mouth as if it were a mute, and I a trumpet.

Sarah filled a plastic bag with lemon juice, before dinner, then pierced the bag over my ear. I'm not sure how loudly I squealed as everything was muted. I thought about my brain. Later, I could hear very clearly, as if the world had been amplified.

At a South Melbourne fish-and-chip shop Julien poured vinegar over a slice of lemon, saying: "I wonder how this tastes." Answer? Exactly like an oyster, so we did it several times. In fact we repeated it the following evening, at dinner, inviting our guests to suck. Why pay more?

At an arcade in Box Hill I played Tekken 6 as a girl character, using a lemon to press "punch" and "kick." I won the first round, easily, although my opponent was hardly moving. The use of a tool seemed to activate special moves in which my character became a violent butterfly. In round two I was not so lucky, as my opponent could suddenly fight. I left quickly to avoid inserting another coin.

I made hummus from scratch and by hand, beating the garlic and chickpeas together in a mortar before mixing through the oil, tahini and lemon juice. It made three cups of paste, which were quickly eaten.